A pain in the ass

It all starts on a beautiful summer day in the city (and also an urban legendary place where everything is orange on fridays in fall) of clemson. (for the lesser informed, it is a small smaaaalllll place in the southern state of south carolina in USA).


At 9:43 am my mobile rings. fighting all the sleep, I decide to pick it up since it is my mom calling from India. I talk to her and hang up the phone sayin that I will call her back (which I only remember now that I never called her back!).


I decide it is time to wake up.. oh wait, did I sleep ? with all the work I am up to these days (of eating , sleeping and regularily utilizing my brain in mastering the art of gambling) I have lost the sense of time, and sleep. I remember sleeping sometime last week, But that is all I can remember right now. Well anyways, I tell myself it is time to get started, big day ahead.


I go online immediately, before I brush my teeth, for I do not want to face the wrath of my lord god, who said "thou shall not brush thy teeth, before thee visith the holy place". (And I guess by now you all know what the holy place is. No not the loo you perverts, the virtual world!)


I see miss s and talk to her about what happened yesterday and she ends up amazing me like always, and miss m who I end up yelling at and also threatening to kidnap her children :P (that is a different story for a different day). I see miss r whose wit I try to match, and miserably failing. I dont see my friend p online but I see b who admits that he has turned into a psycho (am happy now that hyderabad wont miss me ;) ). I finally give up and brush my teeth and decide to take a bath.


But I notice that all my clothes are dirty and I needed to do the laundry (any dress worn more than 8 times needs to be cleaned, hence my whole collection needed .. nay deserved a cleaning session) I notice that I do not have either a laundry basket or some sort of a bag to carry the clothes. That is where innovation kicks in. (rather memory of dhoti walas from India) I tie em up in a blanket and carry it on my back all the way to the laundry. downstairs.


I try to fit one months of laundry into a single load, and the machine cant take it. So it is bye bye jeans (and it being summer, i think i can handle it) but now the tricky part, how do I make it start! (I always used the laundromat where all I needed to do was put some coins). I call up my friend and ask him how to start, he explains. I hang up the fone. I realise I hung it up too early, I call him back to ask "when do I put the detergent in". He laughs and tells me, I hang up the phone in embarassment. aah, time for my bath, finally!


And finally an event that had not taken place in over a month, finally took place! And no it is not the first time in a month that I had taken a bath, I actually took a bath yesterday. Yes, It is the first time in a month that I had my bath two days in a row :D (pats myself on my back) And finally I put the clothes in the dryer and get myself clothed and run off to the bus stop to catch the CATBUS to the university.


I get to the university and wait eagerly to punch my time card (which is the only proof that I actually do some work) which cant be punched until 15 minutes before the scheduled time of work.So for the next 10 minutes, I have nothing better to do than watch the clock tick. Really interesting. And finally after punching in I come to the Library where I am scheduled to work.


oh did I mention that I actually had to walk for 15 minutes to the police station and 15 minutes back to the library to actually work!. and after 30 minutes of walk, this is what I find. NO FREAKING CHAIR where I am supposed to do my work. I ask around and some poor old lady does all she can to find the best chair she can. And then I set myself up to 5 hrs of procastinating the stuff that I thought I would do in the library.


4 hrs past, and I cant take it anymore and decide to blog about the day I have had, and here it is. The only solace are the beautiful women who are walking past me. (Damn! women look great in red :D ). Oh well.. getting back to the blog, it took me a good 50 minutes to write (and perhaps make up) the stuff I have been through today.

But where is the "pain in the ass", you ask? Have a look at this.

actual dimensions 8" X 12" and I am a 5ft 10" guy who weighs over 100 kgs.

(un) Forgettable Times

Yes there are a few "forgettable times" in my life.

like this time once, way back in engineering..
me and a few of my friends decided it is fun to lift and throw each other in the river, while we were supposedly having fun during the peak season of the "krishna puskharalu". Yes we were having fun. Yes we were being stared at by all those elderly old people who forgot what having fun meant. Yes the police was giving stern stares at us. But we didnt care, we continued this fun for a long long time before the police guy finally lost it and yelled "enti , intha sepu godava chestunnaru, migata vallu emi kavali ??. ika vellandi!!" (why are u making such a nonsense for so long, just leave and let others have some peace.)

hmm.. nothing funny about it right ? well why did that incident make it here.. well.. the police officer turned to me and said " vallaite college pillalu, meekemaindi sir, vallathone gola chestunnaru" (they are college kids, they are bound to be mischevious, what about you sir, what the hell is wrong with u ?). and the hillarious laughter that broke out immediately after that statement answered the police guys question ,that I was infact the second youngest guy of the lot :((.

And sometimez, its not the other guys stupidity that gets me into weird situations, just my absence of mind. Coming to the new country, I have already set some kind of an impression on this foriegn desis.

Couple of weeks ago, I thought that I would listen to them english songs online,in the computer lab like everybody else. And I brought my headfones like everybody else. I also hooked em up to the computer cabinet like everybody else. I started playing the songs , but realised that my headfones that I got cheaply were not that good so i decided to raise the volume. Aah! now much better! :). So thats how it was for couple of minutes, but this girl beside me who was speaking on the fone kept giving me weird looks. And then finally she decided to just give a nasty look to me and leave. I was stunned. I thought maybe the sound from my headfone was too loud and it was audible to her nand she was being disturbed. So I removed my headfones from my head and wanted to see how loud they actually were from the outside. Turned out the sound was too loud.

Infact it was even louder than when I had my headfones on. This is when I realised :P that the cabinet of the computer I am using is on the left side of the monitor not the right :D (to which my headfones were actually connected!!). And this is when I realised the whole lab was rocking with the music of "Staind" (dun remember what song) for couple of minutes full volume. And this is when I also realised the meaning of the nasty look that girl gave me. Jeez why cudnt someone come up to me earlier and gimme a slap on my neck saying I was disturbing them. Those Snobs!!

well anyways, I also turned on a fire alarm by mistake last week. keeping to the tradition, I shall make many (mis) adventures , just because it wud give me more stuff to blog about.

Till then, bye bye.
SYKO.

p.s. SYKO wud be my new nickname that I have earned so far in my university. People are tending to call me ITEM these days, but I am smarter than that :P

5 step process : How to be the butt of jokes

Method 1 :

1)make sure that you are in front of every body from grade 10 and grade 9

2)forget that the diaz has steps to climb on to

3)try to jump directly onto the diaz, remember its only 4 feet high

4)fall down in front of everybody present with one leg on the floor, one leg on the diaz and ur ass full of pain.

5)remember to show up at school the very next day


Method 2:

1)make sure that u are with 10 friends of yours in a bowling alley

2)also get angry at someone who keeps teasing you coz u cant bowl.

3)forget that u are over 250 pounds and run behind your friend who was calling you names

4)step on a plywood plank less than one inch thick which was covering a 2 foot hole

5)break the damn plank and remember posin for the clicking cameras with a sore knee ;)


Method 3:

1)Make sure that you are with 20 of yer friends, for that one last trip with college mates

2)see people boating and feel jealous about it

3)try to step into a big boat where only two of yer friends are sitting forgetting your weight once again.

4)put one of ur foot inside, if the boat doesnt topple, then put your other foot also inside. Now the boat topples

5)yell helplessly for help for u can not swim and u can not stand on slanting waterbed!!


viola, 3 ways to make a fool of yourself :D!!

Celebrity Face Matching!!

A chat conversation went like this, this afteroon..

her : So there's a site where you can compare your face to celebrity faces and see who most closely matches you.
me : what kinda site is that!!
her : check it out.

me :ok i dun wanna be compared to no1
her : But its interesting!
me : who is closest to u ?
her : i haven't checked out.But i'll do it.Apparently its a foreign site..

she started the test.meanwhile we were talking about my inability to remember faces. yaar its really bad, i really cant put a name and a face together!!

her : my face matches angelina jolie.also madhuri dixit it seems. Now you try!!
me : i dont wanna try. i know what i will get na. KING KONG! :(.
her : SHUT UP and try it
me : OK OK

This is when i start taking stuff seriously and searched for a good pic of mine. and came up with one that wasnt half bad :).
pics etiki etiki. i found that this one wasnt bad at all. and uploaded it.

waiting... (2 minutes)
scanning .. (another two minutes)
matching ... (cpl of minutes more..!!)
hey finally, i can say i look like some celebrity!! yay :D....
sorry cant find a face. please locate the face in the pic!!
what the fuck :O. alright, i will do it myself.. ok there you go..
Sorry no matches found try again.
tried again and again, still no matches :((.
i started thinking to myself, well lets try another one... the one with the trio would do.!!
p.s. from left to right its nikk, me and priya.
may be i will have better luck here. right!! ?
WRONG :(.
Priya : Wesley snipes
Nikk : Forrest whitaker
Me : WHO?? cant see a damned face you idiot.
thats what the software said. cant recognise my face again :O! so i figured, lets try framing my face again and then ask the damned thing to recognise it.
Sorry still no matches dude. better luck next time.
Luck my ass! i aint gonna sleep until i find the celebrity dude who looks like me. time to bring in the big guns. KING KONG pic, here ya go.

ok lemme explain something about the kingkong pic i have been talking about. its the weirdest , scariest wildest pic that i have featured in :D. and i was sure that some dude with a spiky hair wud be the match. and what did i get ?

ok before i tell u what i get please click on king kong and see what i am talking about.
it showed antonin dvorak
A god damned bald guy :X!! clearly the software is cleary messed up.

Next try.
Little Richard.
God damn you .... you stinkin software!! indaka hair chendalanga unte batta thala and now hair is ok aite eedini chupistava :X. damn !!

i just gave up. and thought to myself. well this is my LAST TRY. and went on with it. and who did i get? alois alzheimer. very apt i thought to myself!who else to remind me of the forgetful memory i have. may be just a sign towards what is coming ?

so if i were to believe what has happened today, then i guess i would be a bald headed musician who is going to die of alzhimers :D!! he he he..

it may not sound funny, but it was sure as hell funny while i was going through the process :). u should try it out some time :)

Story Of Twins..

It all began in the year 1984..

A pregnant lady went to the hospital for a routine appointment.
and by what i am told, the conversation went something like this..

Doctor : "something is wrong.."
Mother : "whats wrong ?"
Doctor : "dont know, but i would like to see u get scanned to see if everything is ok"
Mother :"Is everything alright!!"
Doctor :"lets take it one step at a time.."
Mother:"Alright.."

and the scanning was done and the reports were back , which said "Big Baby, Big Head"..

now you might be wondering what the hell is this all about, there are a few things that i did not mention :)

The woman who was pregnant had such a huge belly that everyone knew for sure that it had to be twins. and when she went for the regular check up, the doctor could make out (what she thought as) twins by feeling the body and the head, coz they were positioned in a such a way. But she could hear only one heart beat. So she thought that only one of them was doing well while the other wasnt.. and what turned out was that the infant was just huge , his body being mistaken for one baby and his head for another ;).


and the tragedy is, that the pregnant lady was none other than my sweet mom :'(
and the huge baby is none other than your very own pavan kumar yalamanchili :'(
and now u know why i am so huge :D also extremely intelligent ;)
got the body and brains of two people :D ..

Classic Chatpats 2005 -- 02

today might be one of those memorable days hehehe..

sare ippudu direct ga point ki vaste..

P.S.D. class lo oka madam friend okadni "explain explain explain!!!!" ani moodu sarlu andi... dantho mana Q gadu ila annadu

Q : "Maama explain cheyyamandaa... borad deggariki velli X-plane ye kaadu Y-plane Z-plane kooda geesesi raa" annadu... dantho last two benches vallandaru naavu aapa leka sacharu

so this is an official nominee for chatpat of the year for this year :).

Classic Chatpats 2005 -- 01

the saaga continues


ivvale kottaga rondu chatpatlu esaru maa batch lo ni chatpat kings..

1)
location : class room lo
period : digital signal processing
cheputhundi : filters gurunchi

sums chestunnam.. (ante sir chestunnadu... memu maa pani choosukuntunnam..)
edo pass band ani band pass ani ededo cheputunnadu.. sudden ga , general ga andarini adigadu "so what filter will we use in this case?" ani.. memu andaram maa gola lo memu unnamu.. (ante engg kadaa ardham chesukondi...) kaani mavodu matram "sir, ganga water filter sir!!" annadu... ika choodandi taravathaa vaadi covering...

2)
idi koncham variety...

q : "pavan!!"
nenu : "enti ra"
q : "ninnu kaadu ra pilichindi"
nenu : "mari inka evarni raa!!"
q : "ikkada chala mandi unnaru!!"
nenu : "kani ikkada pavan ni nenu okkadine"
Q : "ala kaadu... mana chutooo gaali undi kada... danini pavan ani kooda pilustaru... nenu galini pilisaa"

anthe akkada unna padihenu mandi out okkate ball.. ade chatpat ki ..

CHATPATAANAA... CLASSICS OF 2004-2005

last time cheppatam marichanu... the adventures of Q-kumar are based on real facts.. incidents that i have known, been part of, or my friends have been part of.. and some of them are going to be purely fictitious...ippudu nenu cheppa boyedi matram collection of catpats (also known as pjs..) in my class.. some of them have been voted the best of the year and the first three are in order of votes recieved , when the poll was conducted at a birthday party and half the voters were drunk .. so this probably doesnt mean anything..
(p.s. all the persons who made chatpats will be refered to as Q)

chatpat - 1 (winner, chatpat of the year..)
sawaal - orey watch evvadu kanukunnadu ra ??
Q - inkevvadu, WATCHMAN..

chatpat - 2 (a close runner up)
sawaal - orey pencil undaa raa??
aite mana 'Q' deggara pencil ledu, kaani athi thelivi undi.. dantho chesina pani..
paina jebulo nunchi pen, kinda jebulonchi cell teesadu
Q - "idigo ra pencell" annadu ....rondu nimashala varaku janala burralu tirugufying..emaindo ardham kaaka..

chatpat - 3
PE lab lo cords tho edo circuit tayaru chesi experiment chestunnamu..
Q - "ee circuit ni nenu cordless la chesta raa"
migatavallu - "ela"
Q , circuit mottam peekesadu - "idigo, cords anni teesesaa,CORD less" annadu..

mari ippatiki inthe gurthu unnayi migatavi taravatha commenting..

Anukunnadi okati Ayinadi okkati ....

Location : Somewhere in secunderabad outside some hotel..

Time : 10 pm , about 3 weeks ago

Scene lo naluguru friends (p,q,r,s) appude hotel nunchi baaga mekki vacharu edo jokes esukuntaa unnaru. road antha kaali ga undi ..madhya lo okkadu (Q) dooram lo Tellaga unna ammayilu vastunte choosi chala feel ayyi

Q : Orey atu choodandira Ammayilu mast unnaru!

migatavallu (p,r,s) , atu choosaru.... , combined ga : Ekkada bhe kanipiyatledu!!

Q (to p) : mari ade nee abba, kalla addalu petta kunda chooste alane untundi... guddodivi guddonlaga undakunda addalu teesi bayataki enduku vastavu!!?? ...

madhya lo S interrupted : Ekkada bhe naku kooda kanipiyatledu...

Q : orey mee andariki kallu dobbayi raa... akkada antha manchi vastunte kanipiyyatledu antare?? emaindi meeku ?

R : ekkadra......

Q : "Ila kadu"

ani cheppi, vallandari talalani pattukuni aa ammayilu vache side ki tippadu...

Anthe andaru rondu nimashalu silent....

taravataa kinda meeda padi navvatam modalettaruuuu....

Q ki vishayam ardham kaledu.....

aa ammayilu deggaraki vastunnaru.... vallu navvutunnaru... veediki ardham kaledu.... emaindi ee ammayilu anta baleraaa ani cheppi choosadu... eee sari deggaraki vache sariki vadiki baga kanpaddayi... veedu shock lo ki velli poyadu....

oo rondu nimashala taravataa.... migata valla navvulu madhyalo...

Q : Enti vallu abbayilaa!! edo tellaga , juttu podugga unde sariki vallu ammayilu anukunna raa..., foriegners ani nakemi telusuuuu...